Periodically

Note to self:

Sometimes it's around.
Sometimes it's absent.
Not entirely, but just partially.
Enough so that I realize it.

What does that go to say?

When all options are exhausted...

How far will you go to make an exception?

This exception may likely defy the values that you live by. It may cause you to question why you faltered when pressured.

I feel like I keep on having to overlook it all. I mean, it bothers me so much. The mere mentioning of it upsets me. I really don't deny that. It sidetracks any sort of bright mood I may have been feeling. It seriously works like a charm. Maybe because I've been exposed to or informed of so many detrimental and negative effects that this may have.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that this constant overlooking of such is building up. It just feels like most, if not all, options and attempts to right this matter have been exhausted. When "all else fails", what should one do? The first befitting phrase that comes to mind is "give up". However, I wouldn't quite associate the more common and negative connotation to my definition of "giving up". I did not simply decide to not try and lose hope. I tried, and it just felt that I had no other choice. Actually, I can't say that I have truly given up. I just...want to....in hopes that it'll make things better?...if that makes any sense.

Please, no one ask me about what I'm talking about. It's nothing personal. I just needed to vent and rant a bit, but would prefer if nobody asked me about this matter. I don't quite feel like talking about it....

Great kickoff....#2

So here's my second attempt to write up the entry that disappeared...

Wow wow wow! Today has been SUCH a great day - what an amazing way to kick off the holidays!

My plans to Christmas shop 'til I drop didn't quite turn out as I had anticipated. Waking up at 5:30 p.m. means no shopping. :S

I received an unexpected but pleasant phone call around noon-ish, and chatted for one hour, 16 minutes, and 34 seconds. Why do I know this to such a precise degree? I keep track of my cellphone minutes, as I have free evenings - hence the minute log timekeeping thing doesn't work for me. So yea, each month I have 200 daytime minute to expend. I've never actually gone over before. Rarely, if ever, would I even reach 150 minutes. Today is the 23rd (well, the 22nd if you want to count it as yesterday) and I am at 209 minutes. I still have roughly 8 days to last on no daytime minutes. Uh-oh. Ah well, it's all good! :)

So I woke up, showered, washed up, and headed to Pharma Plus to pick up a birthday card with Zin. We drove up to Maple to meet up with Nhi and people at Li/Lee/Ly's (??) house. We chatted about The O.C. and Smallville, followed by a few rounds of jitz. LOL! I suck SO much at that game. I definitely need to practice more at the house on the new table! ;) We took off around 9:30 and decided to have dinner at Swiss Chalet. I was "jonesing" (hah! - a Nobleton word) for mashed potatoes, so off to the chicken place it was. After a double leg dinner with mashed potatoes, I was satisfyingly full of protein. mMmm!

We drove back down to North York to Joyce's place for the movie night event. We caught the last bit of the Incredibles - what a cute movie! Now I must watch the rest of it; as in, the beginning. M-U-S-T!!

I stayed out past my curfew tonight, and luckily Joe was up to open the door for me. Stupid curfew. What a pain.

Sometimes, I think Joe is the most awesome kid EVER. He went over to his friend's house tonight to borrow his XBox for the holidays. On top of that, he got some DVD adapter plug thing that will allow it to play DVD's now. Wahahha! I can watch SIX FEET UNDER andddddddddd play XBox! Booyah!!!

It has been SUCH an awesome day today. I got to sleep in, play some jitz, have mashed potatoes, play in the snow at the Swiss Chalet parking lot, see most of the high school girls, SNOW, DVDs now playable....!!!

Oh, and last but certainly not least...like the cherry on top, I got to FINALLY see Zin!!! No worrying about school, exams, having to get home to study, etc. What an amazing day I had. :)

W H A T ?!

I just wrote up a nice long entry, and Blogger didn't publish it, post it, or ANYTHING.

It has just...DISAPPEARED!!!!!

What the heck?!?!?!?!?! :'(

I am DONE!

After a grueling two months of insanity, the Christmas holidays have officially begun for me! Well, it's ABOUT freakin' time!!!!! Hehe!

I'm still running about 1.5 hours of sleep that I managed to squeeze in earlier yesterday morning from 8:00-9:30 a.m.

Earlier tonight was "jo doong", for all you Chinese folk out there. I celebrated by doing the usual with my family - a huge dinner. My appetite wasn't quite all there, considering I'd had no sleep, but oh well.

Joyce and I went up to FMP for Chinese dessert. Man, I haven't laughed so much since....I can't remember. I came home with my sides hurting. LOL! Reminds me of the good ol' Wasaga experience of 4 chicks sleeping together in one king-sized bed. Haha! All you gents out there, *cough*ZIN*cough*, don't start racing down to the Comments to post something now.

Apparently Jason was up there tonight too, but decided NOT to say "hi" because it'd be "too weird to say your name out of the blue." Haha! Oh man. Can't go up to FMP anymore. Too many people go there. Too high-risk.

Tomorrow's plans: Christmas shopping like MAD at Fairview, Nhi's birthday/bowling thing, Joyce's movie night.

Okay, I really need to hit the hay now. My body's starting to give....

Sheer panic and exhaustion = the here and now

I'm just about ready to give up on studying for this BIOL 2030 lab exam. After having written my Biochem final at 10 p.m., Zin gave me a lift home and we talked for a bit in the car. The snow was starting to fall more heavily, and it was quite the breathtaking sight. I wish I actually had time to stand by my room window upstairs and peer out onto the street. I'm hoping to see an undisturbed white blanket covering the towering pine tree, and all the roofs to be snowed over.

I have to be at the lab in roughly 6.5 hours. I've been sitting here studying all night, and my eyes are starting to give. Jason just suggested that I roll out the door, sans shower and washing up. That's a bit hardcore, if you ask me. I don't think that I'll have to resort to such *extreme* measures....even for my last final of this term! My, how sweet that sounds. In less than 12 hours, it'll all be over. What started as a hell-ish month on the 8th is finally coming to an end. Actually, the month of hell was really November, when I was slammed with schoolwork being due left and right. That's all in the past now though....so take THAT, Biology! Hrm, maybe I shouldn't say that yet....not until I'm actually DONE my final at 2 p.m. Hahah!

There's still quite a bit of studying to be done for this Animal Biology exam. I'm basically trying to cram all these terms into my head right now, but the fatigue is really hitting hard now. Coffee will do nothing but make my stomach turn and get my bladder going.

Over the past 2 months or so (i.e. since the beginning of November), I'm sure I've packed on a few pounds. I've picked up a racquet maybe....three times? It's starting to feel a little gross...not having been away from the computer or desk or library. Hopefully the Christmas break will involve some physical activity. Otherwise, come January, I'll be a nice Asian pear. LOL! I'm just kidding. Maybe a little round, I suppose? An Asian....pomelo? (a.k.a. "look yow"). Err...that fruit is also shaped like a pear. Dagnammit! I'm destined to be pear shaped prior to being 40! Noooooo! :P

My Six Feet Under Season 2 DVD boxset that I got off eBay arrived last Thursday. Totally ecstatic, I attempted to test out the discs the minute I arrived home. Of course, given my luck, along with Murphy's Law and the whole shabang, my DVD player wouldn't function properly. I then remembered that Joe had mentioned something about "DVD player...Lord of the Rings...blah blah blah" a few days prior. A-ha! He was The CULPRIT! So, before heading out to nerd it up at Steacie, I conveniently left Joe a semi-death threat-ish note along the lines of: Fix my DVD player if you want to live. It keeps giving me the message NO DISC. I returned that evening to receive some grim news. It was still dead. Eventually, we resorted to e-mailing Technical Support at the brand's website. They finally replied yesterday to inform me that the disc loader was faulty/dysfunctional (DUH! Like I didn't know that!), and that I would be able to ship it back for repairs under warranty. Just SPLENDID. Now I don't have a DVD player to watch my new boxset with over the break. My holiday is now 3/5th's ruined. :(

So here's my desperate plea for help!

Does anybody have a DVD player that I can borrow for the break/a few days....just so that I can spend 13 consecutive hours watching Six Feet Under?

PLEASE?

Dear self, just suck it up and get over it already?

Sometimes, I just feel like the biggest f-ing idiot that has ever walked this Earth. Honestly.

Hang-ups and peeves are but mere preferences that you actually realize. It doesn't mean that everything goes in your favour.

The past month and a half has been an emotional rollercoaster of hell. The stress of school bombardment, family, a load of other worries, along with some weird-arse disturbing dreams....is just getting to be a bit much to tolerate. Yea, you hear me complain about it all the time. Yes, I admit it. I'm just plain sh*tty at coping with it, okay?

I'm just a freakin' moron sometimes. At times, I don't think before I speak....or I push peoples' buttons because I know it'll work. WHY? Why am I so stupid? I'm just...so angry at myself right now. Just...so stubborn and not open to anything else. If I can't tolerate being in my own skin at times, I wonder how my friends deal with it.

Yet here I sit, wallowing in this pathetic state of self-pity. Those who don't give me the benefit of the doubt probably think that I'm fishing for a compliment or some sort of comforting comment. Assume what you will. You're free to think as you please.

Thank goodness Joe isn't awake right now. If he were, I bet he would be the first person I would snap at. He always is...and that just makes me feel bad. It's not fair for him...but what can he do? He's got a raging stress-anger-machine of a sister. How fortunate.

Man, I can't study anymore. It's the same banal cycle every 4 months. Like, I'm telling myself, enough already.
________________________________
- "It ain't Cloud Nine, I can tell you that."

TALK about LACK of FOCUS

This is just absolutely ridiculous.
Get this.

I'm using the arrow scroll keys on my cellphone, searching through the Names directory. I'm trying to find a name beginning with the letter "G". So I'm scrolling, and scrolling....and I'm like, "Wait. I've scrolled through this same list...twice? Thrice?" Then it hits me. Good job, Don. You're looking at names beginning with "D".

D'oh.

So I press the little red hang-up symbol, and begin scrolling again.
So here I am, scrolling away, and guess what?
I have, for some retarded reason, selected to scroll through names beginning with "D"...yet again.

Like, woman, WAKE UP!
Argh....

Oh yes. I did eventually make it over to the names beginning with "G", don't you worry.
Eventuuuually...

The one time I wish that I was an American...

How sweet would this be?

If there are any American readers out there, check it out, and let me know if it works!

I unfortunately CANNOT sign up for this, as one may only select American states in the address fields.

Oh well. Maybe I can wish for one on my Christmas list instead. Hah!

http://www.freephotoipods.com

You know you want to laugh!

Hahah - this is probably the most amusing thing I've read today. Yes, all 7 hours that I've been up on this 14th day of December.

Enjoy! ;)

>> "I'm such an internet whore I have electronically transmitted diseases."

Hehehe!

Can you say F-I-A-S-C-O with me?

I came into this week hoping that it would be better than the last. Y'know, hoping that this week would bring me better days...less stressful days...or at least a chance to see Zin for more than 5 minutes???? Heh, I hoped wrong.

Initially, I'd intended on going to bed about THREE hours ago, but yet again here I am. It's 6:00 a.m. and I'm up blogging. My mind's in this slump of dullness and stress combined, which results in a cocktail of insane in membrane. So yes, getting back to my "I was supposed to sleep at 3:00 a.m." story. My mom came down to the basement to ask me to go upstairs and see my brother. He'd come down with something, but I didn't think it was that bad. Then my mom gives me the update. He's thrown up 4 times, and gone to the washroom one too many times. We were considering on taking him to the hospital. He has finally drifted off though...so I hope he's feeling better.

Tomorrow, or more like today, I had hoped to go to campus at a reasonable hour (i.e. sometime before 3 p.m.) and photocopy Ecology notes at the Steacie Library. Next I would've hit up the Scott Library to study up on the 4th floor with Mish and Carlos. I was also supposed to bring some DVD's for Carlos to burn for me. I doubt any of that is going to happen though. My dad came downstairs (i.e. to here in the basement) about an hour ago to ask me what I would be doing today and where I had to go. I told him that I just planned to go to campus to study. He asked that I stay home and look after Joe instead, and possibly help out my mom. Now I'm not going to get ANY studying done. Well, not much at least. I can't study at home. It's just something about...home. It's quiet...but it's not the same kind of quiet as in the library. Okay, now I just sound crazy...

Wanna hear the most insane thing that happened today (or, I mean, yesterday...)? I bussed to campus and arrived around 5:30 p.m. or so. Why so late? Well, I'd woken up at 4 p.m. Eep...yes. Don't ask. :S Anyway, off to Steacie I went in hopes of taking out the Ecology reserves binder and photocopying some notes. I mean, the exam WAS going to be tomorrow, so I REALLY should consider getting the last few pages of notes, NO? It turns out that I just missed it; the binder had been signed out again at 5:17 and was due back in 2 hours. Crud it! So here I am, standing in Steacie, wondering what I should do while waiting on the binder. Finally I decided to hop onto a computer and verify the exam location and time. Upon loading up the December exam schedule's webpage, my jaw dropped and I just gawked at the monitor in disbelief. "Friday, December 17th, 2004.", it read. What on EARTH?!! I swear that when I slapped my exam schedule onto an Excel spreadsheet the York site said "Tuesday, December 11th, 2004." I proceeded to check the page with the courses that had revised exam schedules/information, entirely convinced that it must've been altered. Guess what? Nopes. Seemingly, the original date was the 17th, is the 17th, and wil always BE the 17th. Like, HOW did that happen?! Here I was thinking that I would have to write an exam the following day, only to discover that it was in fact in 5 days?! That definitely sent a wave of panic and hysteria through me. Not cool.

A lot of other stuff has been happening lately too, ranging from my own dilemmas to those of friends and others that I care and worry about. So yea, the stress is sort of just piling into a nice unmanageable heap. My last final is on the 21st - my Animals lab exam. Six-hour exam, with dissection and all. It really is only one week away. One week exactly, actually. It seems so close, and yet SOOOOOOOO incredibly far.

Anyway, it's going to be 7:00 a.m. soon. I really should get some sleep. I'll end off with this...just as a little reminder for myself.
_______________________
- I don't hope so. I know so.

mMmm - a mouthful of fabric!

I'm sure at one point in time or another, you've all heard someone joke about eating their pillow while sleeping because they'd been dreaming about food.

Well, get ready for this! Absolutely fantastic, if you ask me! They're sooooo incredibly CUTE!

The Original Sushi Pillow
>> http://www.theoriginalsushipillow.com/pages/1/index.htm



SO
COOL
!!!!!!

White = pretty...

Calling all Torontonians! Have you looked out your window lately?! There's SNOW on the ground! Three cheers for snow and Christmas!!!! :D

The stuff that fell earlier today was packing snow too. I was mightily tempted to throw a snowball here and there, but I eventually decided against it. Heh!
=================
The above was posted last night, sometime around 3:00 a.m. It came to a halt because I received a phonecall. So yes, I shall continue now....heh!
=================
Kev and I went to Denny's for dinner out in Brampton. I got my pancake and sausage fix - mMmm! Then we headed back to Woodbridge for some dessert at Demetrie's - also very tasty! I can't get enough of their honey vanilla ice cream. People, if you go there anytime, whichever location it may be, you MUST try their crèpe called "The Last Straw". It's a very simple dessert, but sometimes simplicity is what makes it so great!! (and this doesn't just apply to desserts either, mind you!) So yes, this crèpe is folded over a generous scoop of honey vanilla ice cream, topped with freshly sliced strawberries, and drizzled with strawberry sauce. I always ask for chocolate sauce instead of strawberry sauce though. Oh yes, and you can't forget the whipped cream! (that means you, Anne, you whipped cream queen!!!!)

My sleeping patterns have been TOTALLY out of of whack for the past few weeks. I used to at least go to bed latest 3:00 or so. Last night, I slept at 7. The night before (or moreso, the morning OF my exam) I slept at 6:00 and got up at 8:00. I was up studying, or cramming...whatever THAT is. I have really NO clue what that is, seeing as how I never do it! I just, don't study. Hahaha! Okay, I'm kidding. I do...........I think?

So...while studying for this final of mine (to be written on a frickin' Saturday MORNING), I chatted with Dan B. for a bit (yeps, gotta differentiate between the two Dan's that I know). With the new MSN 7.0, he drew me some pictures with his graphics tablet. Whee! More pics for me to post up!

Okay, I'm back to rushing this post again - time to head out for Grandma's birthday dinner, meaning LOADS of Chinese food. I'm so going to feel fat tonight. LOL! A satisfying fat, but fat all the same. Heh! ;)

I'll leave you with Dan's works of art - admire it now! Ten years from now they'll probably be selling for tens of thousands of smackeroos at some schnazzy art gallery over in Europe! :)


That's an artistic resemblance of Dan himself with Mr. Emo, the oh-so-cool sock fellow! You KNOW you like Emo, Dan!


That's supposed to be Mr.Emo going haywire, sometime after he/it ordered me to go to sleep rather than studying/cramming/half-studying/moreso-MSN-ing!


This TROGDOR fellow can also be found on someone's fridge in Nobleton, terrorizing all of the other fridge magnets! *ROAR*

Bummer

Jeez, this really freakin' bites.

I was all giddy and stuff after watching this week's O.C. roughly 45 minutes ago. I come back downstairs to the computer and rave about it with Jason and Angela.

So I'm chatting away, happy and all, and then it hits me. Not really out of the blue, but moreso....the fact that it dawned on me. Now these thoughts are spiralling through my mind and I'm seething with frustration.

I feel like I'm the distraction that's welcome when one is busy and not wanting to tend to said unpleasant task. However, upon becoming free, then I'm no longer needed; shafted because there are seemingly better things to do. Well, frankly, I'm nobody's b*tch, alright? I don't come at your beck and call, and of all people I certainly wouldn't have expected this type of treatment from you. Joking around is one thing...but when you cross the line, that just isn't fair. I'm sticking with the resolution that I decided on with Anne. Why am I announcing this weirdly over a blog? - because I want to be able to read this again and be reminded not to sway and lose sight of or be able to distinguish between what's real and what's questionable.

While I'm supposed to have my nose buried in a textbook, studying away, my mind has been wandering and processing other thoughts. I've been trying to sort through this cloud of confusion that seems to linger, and I think I'm starting to finally break through the fog. There's been a lot of change and re-structuring, if you will, over the past half a year...and with each new experience comes a slight adjustment or change to how I see things. I can't say that what I hold to has been entirely flipped inside out and upside down. No way - I'm still the same person. The definition has just been tweaked now, or possibly forever altered. Could it just be cirumstancial though, thereby causing this slight change to be but a mere temporary alteration? Then again, if you think about it - there should, could, or will be a time when the definition need not be altered; because everything will be as you'd expected. There would be no need for slightly adjustments in order to accomodate the situation at hand. My reasoning for the adjustment now would be that I'm too young to worry myself over that and waste away the years by not living. Who knows what's in store for me next though? We shall see.

As for now, let me tell you this - it kind of sucks, man.

It's never all glam and glory.

For all of you who don't know what the heck I'm ranting about in this post, here's the lesson to learn from all this: the O.C.'s only a show - scripted, melodramatic, and picture perfect. Life doesn't work that way. It can be great, but don't develop expectations - don't get your hopes up...

fin.

Still truckin'

I didn't sleep again last night. I'm tired and will sleep...soon. I had my Animals final this morning at 9:00 a.m., so I was up cramming/studying/procrastinating? Joe got a ride to the bus stop, so I conveniently tagged along. Woo-hoo!

Anyway, this is from Zoso. Thanks, dude!



The exam went alright. Animals biology is ALL about logic. Haha, I'm kidding. It SO is not. Seriously though. I guessed on a fair number and used logic in helping me to choose an answer. A lot of them turned out to be correct! Wheee!

Theresa, Iola, and I went to bubbletea at Destiny's tonight. It was good fun, even if we were somewhat out of it in our own ways. Heh!

Came home and burnt about 10 CDs to back up all of this season's ER and Smallville. Precious, precious TV. Hehehe!

Theresa helped me get caught up with Gilmore Girls; I haven't followed it this season but would definitely like to get back into the swing of things. ;)

Okay, I don't really know what else to post about now. I just wanted to post up Zoso's picture of awesome-osity! Thanks again! :)

Why the bugger...

...am I on Blogger posting an entry right now when I have a final to study for?!

Impending doom is due to arrive in roughly 8 hours, and here I am trying to think of what to write about rather than regurgitating facts about crayfish and flukeworms.

I'm feeling a wave of hunger pangs again. Some warm (chewy??) chocolate chip cookies and a nice cold glass of homo milk sounds awfully tempting.

It snowed yesterday. I even got a chance to enjoy it for a bit while shovelling the driveway with ol' man Joe. Well, that was before the STUPID rain melted it all away today. See - MORE of a reason for me to hate rain. Hoping to create a pseudo-rink yet again this year, we'd shovelled all the snow towards the left side of the driveway too... so as to not disturb the perfect white blanket that had fallen onto the side with the maple tree. Then the stupid rain happened. Yes, I loathe rain. It makes my garden pretty and all, but it also makes me wet when I commute to school. More often than not, it also entails wind and cold; both of which I also dislike. So yes, as you can guess, I don't like the Spring and/or Autumn. Wait. I do like them sometimes, actually. On clear days in the springtime, colourful blooming flora are an amazing site. Non-grey days in the fall entail orange, yellow, and red in the trees. I basically just contradicted myself? Well, not really. The seasons of Spring and Fall are okay based on the aforementioned conditions - i.e.) no rain, wind, or grey. Seeing as how those are the defining characteristics, I shall go as far to conclude that I practically hate the spring and fall....most of the time. =P

That was SUCH a random post....

A band-aid doesn't fix THIS kind of pain...

I just won two auctions on eBay. The first is for a DVD boxset of Season 2 of Six Feet Under. Sure, I'm ecstatic and all...seeing as how I love that show. But...umm...yea, there's always a twist behind eBay. I was always skeptical of that site because of this, but I decided to give it a shot this time anyway. Basically, I got screwed over for shipping costs. O...M...G. :(

The item itself came to about $44.00 USD. With S&H costs though, it has now sky-rocketed to a crazy $58.00 USD. That's approximately $69 or so CDN. *grrr* Not cool. It's definitely still cheaper than buying it at a store, but 70 bucks??? Boo :( That just hurts. O U C H.

Zin also helped me bid on a Season 4 boxset of Dawson's. It came to about $23 CDN, not incl. S&H costs. Not bad.

I need time to go Christmas shopping for peoples' gifts! Ahhhhhh! WHY must my finals end on the 21st this year?!

WHY, oh WHY?!?!?!

Thumb a-twiddlin'

So I'm sitting here, doing my Biochem DNA Gels lab...

It's been a slow night. Haven't talked to many people on MSN. Webcammed with Anne for a bit to try and show her the smears/tails on the DNA gel photo. Coincidentally, she did the same lab just last week. Could they be more original with university biochemistry experiments?

So I'm sort of thinking out loud right now. Upon deciding to post an entry, and having logged in, I then realized that I don't have much to write about...

Well, Kev's in Guelph tonight for a surprise visit. Him and his Nobleton crew headed up to see Sean play at some bar/club/place (?) where he plays regularly. Hope he's doing okay...

I feel a case of the munchies settling in - probably going to raid the fridge soon.

Oh, guess what? I have to work at bloody 6 a.m. on Saturday morning. What fun! :(
At least I have a day's worth of baking to look forward to after an early 9 hours of hell.

That said, I bid thee good night.
My stomach's starting to whine, and this lab must be finished as soon as possible.
Laters, folks.