Bummer

Jeez, this really freakin' bites.

I was all giddy and stuff after watching this week's O.C. roughly 45 minutes ago. I come back downstairs to the computer and rave about it with Jason and Angela.

So I'm chatting away, happy and all, and then it hits me. Not really out of the blue, but moreso....the fact that it dawned on me. Now these thoughts are spiralling through my mind and I'm seething with frustration.

I feel like I'm the distraction that's welcome when one is busy and not wanting to tend to said unpleasant task. However, upon becoming free, then I'm no longer needed; shafted because there are seemingly better things to do. Well, frankly, I'm nobody's b*tch, alright? I don't come at your beck and call, and of all people I certainly wouldn't have expected this type of treatment from you. Joking around is one thing...but when you cross the line, that just isn't fair. I'm sticking with the resolution that I decided on with Anne. Why am I announcing this weirdly over a blog? - because I want to be able to read this again and be reminded not to sway and lose sight of or be able to distinguish between what's real and what's questionable.

While I'm supposed to have my nose buried in a textbook, studying away, my mind has been wandering and processing other thoughts. I've been trying to sort through this cloud of confusion that seems to linger, and I think I'm starting to finally break through the fog. There's been a lot of change and re-structuring, if you will, over the past half a year...and with each new experience comes a slight adjustment or change to how I see things. I can't say that what I hold to has been entirely flipped inside out and upside down. No way - I'm still the same person. The definition has just been tweaked now, or possibly forever altered. Could it just be cirumstancial though, thereby causing this slight change to be but a mere temporary alteration? Then again, if you think about it - there should, could, or will be a time when the definition need not be altered; because everything will be as you'd expected. There would be no need for slightly adjustments in order to accomodate the situation at hand. My reasoning for the adjustment now would be that I'm too young to worry myself over that and waste away the years by not living. Who knows what's in store for me next though? We shall see.

As for now, let me tell you this - it kind of sucks, man.

It's never all glam and glory.

For all of you who don't know what the heck I'm ranting about in this post, here's the lesson to learn from all this: the O.C.'s only a show - scripted, melodramatic, and picture perfect. Life doesn't work that way. It can be great, but don't develop expectations - don't get your hopes up...

fin.