Hands off!!

What the hell does it take around this house to get some respect?! Does every frickin' thing have to be labelled with neon green stickers to CLEARLY indicate possession?! If you want to b'itch about it, do it to my face. Don't go taking her side and then piss him off. This has nothing to do with you anyway! Why the hell can't you mind your own f'ing business for once?!!

ARGH! This can seem entirely petty and childish when you read this, but you won't fully understand until you've lived in this frickin' madhouse for the last 18 years!

So I have a potluck BBQ to attend tonight for Guides, and being unable to touch anything in this retarded kitchen here, I figured that a nice fruit salad would be great. Fruits are always popular among women. No carbs, no fat, and still tasty and refreshing. Yadda yadda, whatever.

Last night I spent over two hours at the kitchen table cleaning, peeling, slicing, chopping, and preparing fruits for this gigantic fruit salad of mine. I hulled the strawberries, took the tops off, then sliced them. Placed them into a bowl. Then I cubed half a watermelon and set those aside. Then came two cantaloupes - cleaned them out, sliced them, then cubed them and removed the rind. The pineapple came last. It was such a pain. First of all, the skin was tough. Wait, you have apple peels, and melon rinds. Is the outer layer/skin of a pineapple called a "skin"?? Anyway...

So I put everything away into the fridge to keep cold overnight before I needed to use them.

I just finished peeling and slicing some kiwis because I had forgotten about them yesterday. Into a bowl they go, and plastic wrap to seal it off. I open the fridge door, place the bowl of sliced kiwi into the second rack, and am about to close the door back when I see something totally wrong. Half my bowl of strawberries are gone!

WHAT THE ^&*%@*^(*&%!!!!?!?!

If we HAD no strawberries at home, that's understable, but to have half of my strawberries eaten when EVERYONE knew that it wasn't for eating!? That it was for the fruit salad that I needed for the potluck BBQ?! ASIDE from the fact that I had especially bought another pint of strawberries for her when I bought my own because I knew that something like this would happen if she didn't know! Who would have guessed that she would still take mine?!

What the hell do I have to do to not have people take stuff freely without permission or at least ASKING perhaps?!?!?! Must I purchase my own refrigerator in my room and store everything away safely?! Who knows what might happen even with that?! Someone could easily still come into my room and help themselves to whatever they please because they think that they frickin' own the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So after spazzing to him, she starts up and decides to give her own two stupid cents when this is none of her business to begin with! "Is everything really that clear cut in this household?! Doesn't she go about taking other people's things too without asking?! BLAH BLAH BLAH."

Give me a f'ing break, will you?! Every single week you go and purchase this crap for her that she "needs", and no one else is ever allowed to lay a finger on it because it "rightfully" belongs to her. Bullsh'it, okay! The only reason we don't touch it is because no one wants that crap anyway! So you must think that because conflict doesn't arise that everything is dandy and such, and if one does - such as this strawberry dilemma - then it automatically becomes the fault of whomever brought this to the attention of others?! You can't use excuses to justify what isn't right!!

Does anyone else touch her bags of whatever crappy grains and such?! NO!

Are we allowed to specifically claim anything as ours?! NO.

Am I the one who made up the stupid rule that if anything is purchased with your "own" money, then it belongs to you?! NO.

Because it's a f'ing double standard! She buys her crap and NO ONE is allowed to touch it. I've asked before. I know! She's actually occasionally bought something that was worth asking to see, or try, or taste. Of course, I would go in 75% certain already that the request will be shut down with a "no."

So, after purchasing all these fruits for my salad, and sharing half of the watermelon and pineapple without asking for re-imbursement, WHY does she STILL get away with something like this?! You can't tell me crap like "well, it doesn't belong to you." YOU PEOPLE are the ones who made up such f'ing retarded rules here. If I don't play by them, it would be plain stupid. You can guilt-trip me and use all these dumb policies, but you expect me to just back down and not retaliate. You know that I've never been a frickin' pushover and that I won't let people boss me around. You know that it all came from the fact that she was always best being the eldest, she was even beter because she's oh-so-f'ing brilliant and crap, and he's just who he is. Born into this world lucky and with no boobs. Like, wtf?! I'm so sick of this sh'it. Time and time again I go in and out of these raging bouts of anger, and eventually it subsides. I dont' want that anymore! I just want this crap to be over with. I want to get out of here. I can't let this rule my life anymore! It used to be an uncertain situation because I never knew whether I would have the heart to leave it all behind in 3-4 years. If sh'it like this keeps happening, like it always has, and I'm expected to let it slide when you guys, then I'm out of here the first frickin' chance I get. Caring is one thing. Family is one thing. Taking advantage is another. I can't take this anymore. *exhales*.

Music to my ears

Literally.

I've decided to rearrange my computer speakers yet again, and now it sounds better than ever. I really hope to invest in better ones some day though. For the time being, these will have to do though.

I also hope to save up for a wicked entertainment system. That's not first on my list though. A nice new stereo, that has MP3 playback, is first right now. Either that, or an MD stereo. It'd be so neat to stick my MD's into a slot, much like a CD player.

Don't you just wish you had a money tree? A coniferous one, at that. Available and in abundance all year round.

I certainly do...LOL!

Again?!

I saw yet another smushed bird at Finch station. Two, actually.

One was just a clump of feathers. The other was a mass of red and fluff. The blood seemed to have plastered it to the ground, with the help of numerous buses rolling over it repeatedly. Eew, I say.

These birds have to either learn to look out for themselves, or the bus drivers must be more attentive and cautious. Of course, one would expect these birds to take flight when a bus is roaring towards them, right?

Can't get you out of my head

This happened quite a while back. I was sitting in the basement as usual, tapping away furiously at the keyboard as I either chatted or blogged. In the background played Joe's music; punk rock, alternative rock, hard rock, teenage angst-ridden rock. All the same to me. Cacophony.

That's when a line of the lyrics from one particular song caught my attention.

"I'm tired of being what you want me to be."

Hrmm, seemed interesting enough, I thought. So I paused my own Winamp player and continued to listen to this surprisingly bearable tune.

"Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes"

I almost immediately Google-d the lyrics, and surely enough, I fell in love with Numb. I'm almost certain that I had heard it on the radio prior to this, but I probably really never paid much attention to it. Just like most other things.

So, enjoy. I most certainly do. This song puts it right to the point.



I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be.

Screaming in the distance

It's one of those days again. The very slightest things are building up and are beginning to really aggravate me. I'll be mightily surprised if I don't snap by the end today.

I got up this morning, grudgingly...obviously. I did not want to go to a pointless class. Sure, his lectures are interesting and all, but I really need the sleep. A long day of studying lies ahead - tomorrow is Test #2 for CHEM 1001. I haven't even found out my mark for the first one yet. Frankly, I don't quite want to. I already know that it will be another slap across the face. I do, and yet I don't, need that right about now.

I feel like complaining, but I don't. It's such a difficult task, spilling your guts and just getting everything off your chest. Then again, we all know how amazing it feels afterwards. Nevertheless, I don't think I have the time, nor the...well, time, again...to do it. Argh!

Napping sounds awfully comforting right now, but obviously that isn't at the top of my list of priorities today. Joe asked me when we're going riding today; I had to turn down his offer. Although this week should be one where I can kick back and relax (considering I have ZERO hours of work, no badminton at Driftwood on Friday, and no social events planned thus far), I am totally bored out of my mind. I honestly would much rather have a week full of stuff to do than to sit here and either be bored out of my mind or get pissed off by annoying people at home. Yeesh. I really need to stay out of the house. Think about it this way. If I had no working hours, no Girl Guides meetings to volunteer at, no badminton on Fridays, and no outings planned, I would basically roll out of bed each day, take an hour to trek to campus, go to class for 2 hours, trek home for another hour, and then do nothing. Hrmm, that sounds oddly familiar actually. Oh wow! That was today's schedule. Yay. Crap, I'm so ridiculously bitter today.

Not only are there are just so many physical beings (i.e. pesty people) bothering me at home (try everyone), but all this annoyance seems to be amplified by my ever-lingering, ever-present, and forever unsolved intangible problems. I resent that his/her/their problem becomes mine. I resent that I must suffer the consequences of your mistakes in life. I resent that everyone ELSE has to bear your burden, and that you are not a person of your word. All you do is talk. When all this came to the surface, you promised to be proactive and attempt at working things out. It was all show and no go. As each day goes by, you lose some more of my respect. I think it probably applies for everyone else as well, though I won't speak for them. It just tears me apart inside to just sit around and watch, but not be able to help. I'm not capable of doing so at the moment, but when the time comes maybe I will. Once more, the same selfish but very blunt and true question arises again though. If you won't help yourself, why do we have to bear this burden and help you? It is your duty and you do nothing to help yourself. If she weren't the responsible and caring being that she were, your ass would be gone by now.

WHY?!

I never knew...

SO many people at work watch the same shows as I do! Smallville, The O.C., ER...just to name a few. Time flew by last night while we were processing shipment when we started on this topic.

Other highlights that made the painfully long night more bearable included dancing to 'N Sync's first CD, sleeping on merchandise, gorging on Cadbury Mini Eggs/ketchup Lay's/crab and shrimp sushi/popsicles and other random food. Tons of snacks were brought for the potluck thingy!

I did manage to cut my hand though. That sucked royally. Now I can't open up my entire left hand. Luckily I'm not a south paw.

Many people left early throughout the night. As our numbers diminished, a certain manager grew increasingly anal and started to be her usual self again (a.k.a. a self-admittedly "queen biatch").

Elliott was kind enough to drive me home after work. I was trying so hard not to pass out during the ride. I collapsed into bed around 7:20; hungry and absolutely exhausted.

I had something to post about earlier, but now I've forgotten. Maybe it'll come back to me later. As for now, I best get my butt moving and go study. Test tomorrow at 9:30 a.m. - the last item on the agenda for this week. Well, aside from work later in the evening from 7:45-11. It's also Iola's birthday tomorrow! Sucks that she's in Waterloo.

Sauble Beach trip is inching closer by the day!

Thus far...

The weather forecast seems promising now! I just checked up on Sauble's forecast for Saturday, and it's totally different from yesterday's. No more thunderstorms. No more chilly weather. Let's hope it stays that way!

Shine, baby, shine!

Oh, how I pray for sunshine and beautiful weather this Saturdayb up at the beach!

I was looking at the weather forecast on The Weather Network's website, and things are looking good for North York on Saturday. [sigh]

However, we're going to be three hours away! So I looked up the forecast for Sauble Beach, and guess what?!!! It's supposed to thunderstorm and be chilly! WHAT?!?!?!

How is that fair!!?!?

I hope these forecasts are as inaccurate as they usually tend to be!!! [crosses fingers]

Which tastes the worst?

A few weeks back, during one of the reunions with the St.Tim's buddies, I was told a story. One that involved me and two others present at the gathering actually.

Back in the day when we were in grade two or three-ish, a lollipop was found in the schoolyard during recess. It wasn't opened apparently. Guess what happened then? Shared it, we did. What do kids know?

I can't believe I did that. Ewww!

That probably is the weirdest or grossest thing I've eaten. I was never a playdoh or glue eater. I remember when the little kiddies would scream, squeal, and run because a fellow classmate would be caught eating his or her own "boogers".

So you see, a questionably "clean" lollipop ain't so bad, right?
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Oh right. I should make known that, with the new spifferized Blogger, the post titles now simply involve entering text into the designated field when posting. The result is a nicely-bolded, white title prior to the entry.

Well, some of you may have noticed that this entry's title is [gasp] GREEN, which means that it's a LINK. Go ahead. Click on it! The entry relates to it. Just thought I'd give a heads up! =)