Screaming in the distance

It's one of those days again. The very slightest things are building up and are beginning to really aggravate me. I'll be mightily surprised if I don't snap by the end today.

I got up this morning, grudgingly...obviously. I did not want to go to a pointless class. Sure, his lectures are interesting and all, but I really need the sleep. A long day of studying lies ahead - tomorrow is Test #2 for CHEM 1001. I haven't even found out my mark for the first one yet. Frankly, I don't quite want to. I already know that it will be another slap across the face. I do, and yet I don't, need that right about now.

I feel like complaining, but I don't. It's such a difficult task, spilling your guts and just getting everything off your chest. Then again, we all know how amazing it feels afterwards. Nevertheless, I don't think I have the time, nor the...well, time, again...to do it. Argh!

Napping sounds awfully comforting right now, but obviously that isn't at the top of my list of priorities today. Joe asked me when we're going riding today; I had to turn down his offer. Although this week should be one where I can kick back and relax (considering I have ZERO hours of work, no badminton at Driftwood on Friday, and no social events planned thus far), I am totally bored out of my mind. I honestly would much rather have a week full of stuff to do than to sit here and either be bored out of my mind or get pissed off by annoying people at home. Yeesh. I really need to stay out of the house. Think about it this way. If I had no working hours, no Girl Guides meetings to volunteer at, no badminton on Fridays, and no outings planned, I would basically roll out of bed each day, take an hour to trek to campus, go to class for 2 hours, trek home for another hour, and then do nothing. Hrmm, that sounds oddly familiar actually. Oh wow! That was today's schedule. Yay. Crap, I'm so ridiculously bitter today.

Not only are there are just so many physical beings (i.e. pesty people) bothering me at home (try everyone), but all this annoyance seems to be amplified by my ever-lingering, ever-present, and forever unsolved intangible problems. I resent that his/her/their problem becomes mine. I resent that I must suffer the consequences of your mistakes in life. I resent that everyone ELSE has to bear your burden, and that you are not a person of your word. All you do is talk. When all this came to the surface, you promised to be proactive and attempt at working things out. It was all show and no go. As each day goes by, you lose some more of my respect. I think it probably applies for everyone else as well, though I won't speak for them. It just tears me apart inside to just sit around and watch, but not be able to help. I'm not capable of doing so at the moment, but when the time comes maybe I will. Once more, the same selfish but very blunt and true question arises again though. If you won't help yourself, why do we have to bear this burden and help you? It is your duty and you do nothing to help yourself. If she weren't the responsible and caring being that she were, your ass would be gone by now.

WHY?!