All is fair in love and war

...well, not really actually.  Err...but oh well.  I'm still smiling! =)

As I was saying to Christine last night on the phone, within one hour I was on both ends; giving and receiving.  With that said, I had a pretty clear understanding of how each counterpart saw things.

Anyway, I feel at peace now.  No, I'm not ready to die, mind you.  LOL! You wish.  Heh.  It goes to show that I wasn't caught up in the whole "hopeful" aspect, which can be quite dangerous and risky if you ask me.  I'm not priding myself for this, nor am I trying to convince myself, for that matter.  I'm just here to rant a little and get some final thoughts out of my system. Heheh!  It's somewhat scary when I think about it now.  Why did I take it so well?  Hrmm....=P  Well, either way, I can't win, but I am content and at peace.  I'm actually happy, come to think of it.  I feel relieved.  It's all good, my friend.

Tonight should be fun with Mark and Christine (reminds me of the Mike and Christine Morning Show)  - either bubbletea-ing up at the new place by Crazy Sushi on Highway 7 (recommended by Jennifer), or dessert at Demetri's to load up on the chocolate.  Yes, aphrodisiacs.  There was a slight misunderstanding when I said this to Ed yesterday.  I told him sometime throughout the day that I wanted to consume chocolate, and that I'd heard before that it serves as an aphrodisiac.  He "gave" me the weirdest MSN emoticon stare.  When I say "aphrodisiac", I mean mood-lifter.  You know, something with cheer-up effects.  Not something that leads to sexual arousal.  LOL!  I'll just watch what I say from now on...

Honestly. How fookin' STUPID can I fookin' get?!?

I'm raging inside right now.  Absolutely fuming.  I smiled complacently through lunch with the grandparents, grandaunts, and other random women.  In truth, I was bored out of my mind.  Their tendency to force-feed anyone 20 years their younger got to be quite annoying today, given that I wasn't hungry much.  The sleep deprivation, along with the utter disgust at my own idiocy, made me lose any and all remnants of my so-called appetite.  I was too bleh to want to eat.

Have any of you ever watched Six Feet Under on HBO?  The daughter, Claire, tends to have these moments of zoning out into oblivion.  As she enters into a seemingly different dimension, her thoughts and imaginings are portrayed on-screen.  Almost as suddenly as they'd appeared, the scenes end and abruptly revert back to reality.  I won't describe which scenes come to mind.  You'd have to watch the show.  I had one of these moments during the insanely boring dim sum fest today.  As I sat there and stared aimlessly towards the other end of the restaurant, I suddenly saw myself abruptly pushing my seat back, standing up, and screaming at the top of my lungs.  Maybe it had to do with that one line of lyrics from Liam's song.  Anyway, so here I was, standing in the middle of Bamboo de Chine Restaurant, screaming like a stark-raving lunatic.  I was venting the frustrations of my past night.  "Guess who wrote a fookin' final today?!  Guess WHO didn't find out about this final until 7.5 hours prior to it, at around fookin' 2:00 a.m.?!?!!  Guess who for some damn reason was under the impression all along that the final was to be on Friday the 30th?!  Guess who is flipping out now, and will be flipping out if she discovers that she failed the course because of that cursed final exam?!"  At this point in time, the entire restaurant full of people were staring at me blankly.  You could hear the distinct *clink* as a chopstick dropped from one's grip in the distance.  The shattering of a teacup in the kitchen pierced the silence.  And, just as abruptly as this reverie had begun, I was catapulted back into reality as one of those aunt-like women refilled my teacup.  I should submit that to HBO.  I'd be the theme at the beginning of that episode; the one whose story is retold prior to their death.  Meh.

So I'm writing this post in desperate plea that someone please make this day bearable for me.  I have a truly difficult task that awaits me tonight, and I honestly wonder if it's at all possible that my day could go more wrong.  Either way, I hope and pray for the best.  Wish me luck, 'cuz I certainly won't be doing that for myself.  I don't believe in luck anymore.  I've given up on it.  It doesn't exist in my world.

Change in mood

Thank you Liam for sending me these lyrics.  Even though I haven't actually even listened to the tune itself, they're so free-spirited and seems to have lifted some of that invisible weight off of my shoulders.  Thanks, mate! =P

"Say something
Shout it from the rooftops of your head
Even if it means nothing
Make me understand or I'll forget
'Cause maybe the songs that we sing are wrong
And maybe the dreams that we dream are gone
But bring it on home and it won't be long
 
It's getting better, man!"
-- Oasis [It's Getting Better Man]

Suffering in silence

What's your take on this?  Do you believe that it's better to not say something if it could potentially shake up a friendship?  Do you believe that it's worth it in the end?  Is it not better for you to suffer alone than to affect others and drag them into a predicament? 

Sure, it may possibly be bothering you during every waking moment that you aren't concentrating on something...and trust me - I have plenty of those.  Sitting on the bus.  Walking around campus.  While eating lunch.  Folding clothes.  During breaks.  After 2a.m. when my Internet gets cut out.   The list is too long to complete here. 

However, how would it give you the right to impose such a burden on others when you know full well in advance what the repercussions and consequences of said actions are?  Do you have any right to cause another's world to come crashing down before them?  You know the feeling and the pain involved, so why would you want to inflict this on another being?  Let alone a friend, or a best friend even?

Consider this.  In order to relieve yourself of your misery and constant depression/sadness, you need to express or say something.  However, your act of making such information known could potentially dig up once-forgiven, or once-forgotten, events of the past.  Of course, such happenings weren't quite positive ones, if you get my drift.  In any case, what ends up happening?  You either screw up someone else's life, or you mess yours up even more.  So, in turn, you really don't do anything to help yourself.  In getting something out of your system, you create a whole new predicament for yourself.  They're called "consequences".  Oh, the joys of life.

I mean, you can't always have your way, right?  I for one can attest to that...

I can't win.  I should learn to accept that...

Look out Hollywood! Here comes Zosobaggins and company!!

That's right!  My friend Dan is the voice over for the character with the glasses and the "permascowl".  LOL!

He's creating this comic with his friend, and hopefully it'll hit the Web soon!  For now, this is a teaser!  Isn't it the coolest thing ever?!  Animation, color, voices, and everything!!!  Go Dan!!  Rah rah rah!

I guess you'll never know...

That phrase seems to quite be prevalent in my life lately.  It's been used in different contexts, of course, but let's not go there.

There is one meaning behind it that I will share with you all though.  Having gone up to Waterloo this past weekend for the Survival Of The Fittest (SOTF) badminton tournament, I left home for approximately 72 hours, and what a 3-day span it was!  Not to say that I did anything particularly wild or insane, but it sure served as a mild teaser and eye-opener.

Something as simple as being able to cook as I please - not for a trip, not for a group - but just for one or two, was simply....fun?  Then again, that comes with my passion to tinker in the kitchen.  All the same though, it was good.  I would love to do it more often given that circumstance allowed for it.

Having gone to Ed's place on Saturday night, after the big hot pot dinner, was another event that triggered this sad, sad, and more sad realization of mine.  We just chilled for a few hours on his couch watching Superstars USA, Top Gun, Rat Race, and whatever else happened to be on TV, while enjoying some good ol' party mix, dried fruit mix, watermelon, cantaloupe, and beer.  The simplicity of it all is quite astounding, if you ask me.  Or maybe it's just because I'm not accustomed to this lifestyle and therefore find it to be the coolest thing ever.  But as Steph C. had put it, "the novelty wears off after a while."  I can imagine this to be true, yes.  I probably wouldn't be going "ooh, ahh" over residence life if I was actually in that boat. 

But...again....I'm not.  So yes, all in all, it was a fantastic weekend filled with badminton in the sauna-like gym called CIF, a fun hot pot dinner with good company, chilling with buddies, and just coming and going as I pleased. 

With all that said, seeing that I won't be able to get the full rez-life experience, onto Plan B I go.  What is Plan B, you ask?  Well, maybe one day I'll divulge that to you folks.  For the time being, I don't want to jinx it...

Point (blank).

Almost like a rhymthic throbbing headache, this song keeps running through my head. I shouldn't have downloaded it. Now look. Hrm.

The point of this post? None really. There are some matters happening in my life right now that are somewhat too private to post here, but not to private to share in person. Ask and you may find out? Heh, it's probably nothing much that would interest people to begin with.

On another note, I'm heading up to Waterloo this weekend for the (S)urvival (O)f (T)he (F)ittest tournament. It's going to be exciting! Even though I haven't practiced with my doubles partner all that much, and I still have yet to even MEET my mixed partner, it's all in good fun. Not to say that I won't try, of course. But as they say, we'll see. A reason for me to head up, visit friends, and just chill for a weekend.

Robbie Williams - Feel

Come and hold my hand
I want to contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I’ve been given

I sit and talk to God
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language
I don’t understand

I just want to feel real love
In the home that I live in
'Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste

I don’t want to die
But I ain’t keen on living either
Before I fall in love
I’m preparing to leave her
I scare myself to death
That’s why I keep on running
Before I've arrived
I can see myself coming

I just want to feel real love
In the home that I live in
There’s a hole in my soul
Can’t you see it in my face
Of real disgrace
I need to feel real love
And a life ever after
I feel like givin' up

I just want to feel real love
In the home that I live in
I got too much love
Running through my veins
Going to waste

I just want to feel real love
In a life ever after
There’s a hole in my soul
Can’t you see it in my face
It’s a real disgrace

Come and hold my hand
I want to contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I’ve been given
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand

Balancing act

I finally found out what Kevin's MSN display picture is all about. It's one of photos featured in the link. What a cutey! I wish I had one!