I don't know anymore

There are several things that I feel like I'm not sure of anymore. It's funny how...a mere 3 months ago...I was absolutely lost in some areas of my life. Over time though, with much thought and deliberation, I'm starting to slowly gain an idea of where it's headed. That was sort of my biggest problem back then. With that gradually being solved now, other issues have taken the place that it once held - a slot in the "Problem Files". (and no, I didn't steal that term from work)

I guess that, lately, with so much happening, I've constantly been brought to question it. I've been tested. It's been tested. Occasionally I feel like I'm pressed to gauge how worthwhile it all is. At times I'm absolutely fed up with it all. Other times, I smack myself and ask why I would ever question or re-consider it. I feel like I'm constantly swaying back and forth. Am I fence-sitting?

The talk that I had with Gail while sitting in the parking lot of the candle factory in Orillia really helped me get through this past weekend. Even with Lake Simcoe being a few steps away from the camp, and two awesome campfires, and plenty of laughter and fun times, I still felt pretty empty this past weekend - something that instigated early on in my trip. I guess it bummed me out and it's a shame now that I think about it. I now realize that I wasn't fully able to enjoy the camping trip as much as I could've....or more like, should've. I have to let things go.

Over the past little while, I've noticed many things - one of them being that I could have had a very fun day, but more often than not I go to bed disappointed or angry or mad or upset. I guess it's just not the best feeling; to end off a seemingly good day on a sour note.

I went back to LAT yesterday with Emily to help Rebecca prep for OFSAA. It brought back a lot of memories once again. Each time I go back I end up leaving with feelings of nostalgia. Those really were the days. What I would give to go back to Grade 12. Things weren't perfect then. Life is never perfect. We do no live in a perfect world, obviously. However, things were simpler then. I thought I'd found the cure for my woes....but now I seriously wonder - have I really?

I don't really know why I'm writing all this stuff. I guess I feel kinda blue...and when I'm blue, I tend to talk.

It's so frustrating when people want the best of everything and the worst of nothing.

Last Tuesday was quite enjoyable. I went for bubbletea take-out with Iola after ABC...and we did what we used to do all the time. We sat in my driveway and talked. What good times.

With that said, I'm gonna end off with a small note: Life can be full of such splendid and amazing surprises, but there are so many disappointments in between.